When I started my bucket list of things to do before I was 40. The first item on the list was to Start trying to have a baby. I never really mentioned wanting a family on this blog. And to be honest, when I thought about mentioning it. I figured it would be a posts with a photo of the baby scan or positive pregnancy test. After all, that is the norm isn’t it? Well it turns out my first “trying to have a baby” post isn’t going to be normal!

Last November in Mexico, Jason and I started trying to begin our family. (I can hardly believe it was a year ago it seems so much longer). And if I am, to be honest, we were maybe a little naive. I know some people plot and plan these things testing their ovulation or temperature. But we figured we would just do the baby making dancing a few times. And the nine months later we would be three.

Fast forward to just after Christmas, I was having lunch with the lovely Socktopod ladies. And over lunch, we discussed how quickly this year was going. I suddenly realised I was late! So after lunch I popped in a chemist to buy a test. Later that night when Jason came home, we did the test and sure enough I was pregnant!

So over the weekend, we were wondering around thinking about the future and maybe slightly in shock. On Monday evening, at about 5 p.m. I noticed a little bleeding. Worried and scared I phoned the doctor and of course, consulted google. The next morning after a series of phone calls with my doctor. I was referred to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit (EPAU).

On Tuesday, I had my first scan and a blood test. The blood test determined I was pregnant but there was no sign of the embryo on the scan. It was later deemed “pregnancy of unknown location.” The next two weeks we had a series of blood tests. More scan all which concluded the pregnancy was ectopic in my right tube. The doctors concluded the best cause of action was a course of Methotrexate. Less than two weeks after that I was no longer pregnant.

We spend the next few months of healing. For me, it was both emotionally and psychically. The doctors advised not to try again for another three months but we opted to a little longer. Then last month, I found out I was pregnant again. Due to our past history, our doctor referred to the EPAU straight away. Once again we started the series of blood tests and scans. Both on Friday, a blood test on Sunday followed by another scan of the Monday. After the second scan, they concluded the pregnancy was once again in my right tube.

The next 24 hours are a complete blur to me. Even now Jason is still filling in the blanks for me. The doctors determined the pregnancy and tube needed to be surgically removed, during a salpingectomy. And due to my history, they wanted to operate that day. As I said I don’t remember much of that day. From what I can gather, at 11 a.m. I was having my scan. At 2 p.m. they were prepping my for surgery and at 6 p.m. I was back in the ward. By lunchtime the next day I was home in my own bed.

To be honest I am still in shock. Hence why it has taken me over a week to write this blog post. Jason and I are back in the limbo stage waiting for healing to begin and taking each day as it comes and trying to look to the future.

Featured Image: © Disney/Pixar