Over a year ago, I quietly stopped writing my blog. It wasn’t a decision I made — more like a gradual drifting away. Depression has a way of doing that. Days turned into months, and eventually, I stopped reaching for words. I didn’t think I’d come back to writing. But a few weeks ago, something shifted.
I heard about the 18-Day Diary, an online writing contest created for G-Dragon fans. Each day has a single keyword as a prompt. Simple enough — but what started as a light-hearted idea to write about discovering K-pop slowly turned into something much more personal — a mirror, of sorts.
As I began writing again, the words came out raw and unfiltered. I thought I’d be telling stories about fandom and music, but what poured onto the page was my journey through anxiety, depression, and — most importantly — healing. I started to rediscover joy in the very act of creating. And this, right here, is the beginning of my Daisy Diary.
Day 1 – Song
The first G-Dragon song I heard was Crooked, last autumn. I wasn’t looking for him specifically; it just happened, one late night, headphones on, hoping something would break through the static. I didn’t expect a song in another language to speak so clearly to me. It was chaotic, rebellious, and messy — and the song got me. There was something so unapologetically human in it, like he wasn’t pretending to be okay. That honesty hit harder than I expected. It didn’t feel polished for perfection; it felt like it was telling the truth.
I’m still struggling. Anxiety has its claws, and some days, Depression wins. But I want to believe healing is possible. Maybe not all at once, but in pieces. Like songs, like verses, like journal entries. So here it starts—my journey through music, through his music, toward something better.
Day 2 – Boy
This is my second post in this little series, where I share my journey toward healing and the unexpected role G-Dragon’s music has played in it. Last autumn, during a particularly low period, I began exploring his back catalogue. One day, I came across Untitled, 2014. I didn’t understand the lyrics at first, but the emotion in his voice — wounded, stripped bare, full of quiet sorrow—spoke directly to me. It felt like someone whispering through the noise, “네가 행복하기를 바래” (“I hope you are happy”). I sat in silence, watching the video over and over again. Just him, alone, singing. No spectacle, no distraction, just vulnerability. At that moment, I realised I wanted to allow myself to feel the same way. To stop holding it all in. To understand that showing emotion isn’t a weakness.
What moved me even more was how different Untitled, 2014 felt from Crooked. While Crooked is punk — loud, restless, and desperate to escape, Untitled, 2014 doesn’t run; it stays. It lingers in heartbreak and lets grief breathe. That contrast struck me: two sides of the same pain. One thrashing against it, the other accepting it. That emotional honesty helped me see my sadness differently, not as something to suppress or avoid, but as something to move through. That night, a boy from across the world reminded a fangirl in her forties that feeling deeply isn’t a weakness — it’s survival.
Day 3 – Daisy
A few weeks after first discovering G-Dragon’s music, I found myself down a rabbit hole of interviews, fashion archives, and concert clips. His presence fascinated me — this mix of elegance and rebellion, tenderness and strength. I started noticing a small motif in many of his outfits and jewellery: the daisy. A simple flower, but somehow powerful in its symbolism.
Later, I learned that the daisy is also the emblem of his fashion brand, PEACEMINUSONE — a symbol of innocence touched by imperfection, beauty shaped by contrast. That single missing petal, seen in the logo, says as much about him as his lyrics do: peace, but not quite whole. Softness, but never without edge.
Not long after, I bought myself a pair of silver daisy earrings. Just a small treat, something that felt like a promise to myself. I wear them most days now. They remind me to stay grounded and to keep growing, even if it’s slowly. They’ve become more than accessories — they’re a talisman of sorts. A way of reminding myself, “You’re still here. You’re still blooming.”
Day 4 – Youth
Last October, I celebrated a milestone birthday — the kind that makes you pause and reflect on everything you’ve lived through. It stirred something in me: a need to do something bold, something that honoured my youth. The parts of me I feared had been buried by time or depression. So my husband and I planned a trip. From London to Hong Kong, with stops in Singapore and Macau. It was our way of marking the moment together. Away from the routines of everyday life, a time to make new, fun memories.
While we were in Hong Kong, G-Dragon released Power. The timing felt almost cosmic, like a spark meant just for me. The beat, the boldness, the confidence — it hit me like a jolt to the soul. I started playing it every morning as we got ready for the day, letting it charge me up. It became the soundtrack to that chapter: a reminder that joy, connection, and youth weren’t behind me — they were still here, unfolding.
Looking back, it wasn’t just about reclaiming something for myself. It was about us — carving out space to be present with each other, to laugh, explore, and feel alive. Each morning I would catch my reflection in the mirror, silver daisies glinting in my ears and think: You’ve still got power.
Day 5 – Love
Just days after returning from my Asia adventure — still carrying the afterglow and exhaustion — I found myself wide awake in the middle of the night, jet-lagged and restless. Wrapped in a blanket on the sofa, I scrolled on Instagram to pass the time. That’s when I stumbled across a clip from the 2024 MAMA Awards, G-Dragon onstage in a pink suit and crown, standing alone in a spotlight. I tapped the video, and as the opening beat of Power filled my ears, something in me jolted awake.
That song had become an anthem for me during the trip — a reminder of strength, resilience, and holding on. Seeing him perform it live, with that same commanding presence, made it feel all the more personal. Then, the music shifted. G-Dragon began singing a new song, and soon Taeyang appeared beside him, followed by Daesung. When the three of them performed Home Sweet Home, the energy in the arena transformed — not just excitement, but something deeper. The audience wasn’t just watching; they were feeling.
Every cheer, every tear, every light stick waving in sync was full of love. And when they launched into their classic hits, the crowd erupted. It didn’t feel like just a performance — it felt like a return. A homecoming. At that moment, I understood their impact not only as artists but as pillars of K-pop. Their presence wasn’t just missed; it was needed.
Day 6 – One Day
At the start of this year, I sat at my desk with a fresh cup of coffee and a blank journal. With the quiet hope that maybe this year could feel different. I flipped through old magazines, cut out words and images that sparked something in me, and slowly pieced together a vision board on the first page of the notebook. I didn’t make resolutions — just soft intentions. At the top of the page, I wrote three words in bold letters: Adventures, Joy, Create. They weren’t goals to chase or boxes to tick — just gentle reminders to start reclaiming my happiness, one small choice at a time.
Since then, those words have come to life in unexpected ways. I now go on mini adventures across London, sitting on the underground with my headphones on, a K-pop playlist forming the soundtrack to my journey. I have danced in my bedroom to BIGBANG in the mornings, laughing at myself, especially thinking that I was someone who once struggled to get out of bed a few months earlier. I’ve gone on solo dates with an iced Americano and nowhere I needed to be — just the music in my headphones and the permission to enjoy my own company.
And slowly, I began creating again. First, a few handmade bracelets. Then I started a new crochet project. Most evenings now, I put something on the TV and reach for yarn instead of scrolling through social media. It’s become a ritual — something quiet and grounding. It’s not a dramatic change, just small steps, leading to me finding more joy. My life is shifting, gently. Change is happening slowly, one day at a time.
Now…
Writing these entries has reminded me what it means to feel — and more importantly, to begin again. Over the past year, I lost my words. I lost joy. But through this process — through G-Dragon’s music, through each prompt — I’ve started to find small pieces of myself again.
This isn’t a comeback post. It’s not a tidy story with a bow on top. It’s a work in progress — a diary still being written. There’s no overnight healing here. Just slow, steady steps. One memory. One lyric. One day at a time.
If you’ve ever felt like you were sinking or unsure how to start again, I hope this series makes you feel a little less alone. I hope it reminds you that healing doesn’t always roar. Sometimes, it just hums quietly in your headphones, asking you to keep going.
Thank you for being here. Part 2 of my 18-Day Diary is coming soon. I can’t wait to share the next chapter with you.
Featured Image by Suzy Hazelwood (Pexels)